Monday, January 14, 2013

Well...It Started Like This.

You know those times when you go to the orthodontist?  And how awkward they are? No?
I must be the only one then.
First off, you feel like you have a no jaw line when they lay you back, and when you lay back, it feels like you're going to slide back onto the floor, maybe even do a back flip before you land flat on your back, hitting your head on all their equipment they have laying in the way, and going unconscious and then you'd have to go to the hospital because you got a concussion.

ANYways.  As I was saying, when they lay you back, they get right IN your face.  This can be very awkward if you have your eyes open.  If they're open, then you have to look the opposite way where his face is.  If you make eye contact, it's weird, so you slam your eyes shut.  Then not 2 seconds after that, you can't stand to keep them closed because you want to see when he's going to be in your mouth, so you don't just lay there with your mouth wide open like an idiot while he's sitting back or getting tools.  You might get some strange looks and everyone would call you no-neck bird girl for the rest of your life and at your funeral they would put under your name A.K.A. "No-Neck Bird Girl".
YOU JUST CAN'T HAVE THAT ON YOUR GRAVE!!!
So you must keep your eyes open.
The challenge gets harder as he moves his face from side to side to see both sides of your mouth, so as he's going back and forth, you're moving your eyes back and forth in the opposite direction as he's going.  He goes left, you're eyes go right, he goes to the right, you go to the left.  You're trying your best to keep your eyes on the ceiling.  Then it happens.  The awkwardly horrible...Eye Contact.  It's inevitable.  It just happens and the thoughts that run across your mind go something like "OH CRAP I MADE EYE CONTACT" "Oh no, I hope he didn't see that" "Did he? Oh my gosh, I think he did! DANG IT" You slam your eyes shut again, not caring if you'll be called no-neck bird girl, because what just happened could be possibly worse than a life time of a belittling name.  Wondering if he saw it, you slowly slip your eyes open again for a split second and take a quick glance to see if he's making eye contact, and once you see he's not, you take a deep breath mentally and recover with your eyes closed for a minute or two.

Then you just can't decide what to do with your arms, because the armrests of the chair are so high, that you can't cross your arms, or you'll look like you're in a casket.  If you hold on to the armrests, your shoulders will be all the way up to your ears, and that is just plain uncomfortable.
Then you decide you'll do both.  You put your elbows on the armrest, and put your hands together on your belly, but it's still awkward.  That's when you just have to accept the feeling of awkwardness.

And then there's your feet.
You start out crossing them, and then after awhile, one of your legs go numb from no blood circulation.  So you have to uncross them and have them lay there, limp and weird looking.  Then when someone passes by your feet, so close that you can feel the wind from them come through your shoe, you have to jerk your feet back so that they don't end up bumping them and twisting your whole body in the chair and having someone accidentally poking you in the eye with the tool they were using in your mouth.  That would be horrible.

But you know what?
ACCEPT THE WEIRD AWKWARDNESS!!
Sincerest Wishes,
Awesomely Awkward

5 comments:

  1. Ummmm.....where to start. I totally feel your pain, like um, ya know, when I had braces? Yeah, well, it was soooo like that, too. :o)
    You are priceless. Love you, baby girl.

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  2. Here Lies Aliana also known as
    No Neck Bird Girl ........
    RIP
    I can picture it now.
    I love your sense of humor.

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  3. All the lonely trees? What does that mean? I had the king of trying to make you feel awkward orthodontist. He enjoyed it, so I got spiteful back:) hopefully you won't have to endure much longer!! Love you!

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  4. Momma and Daddy: LOL Thank ya :)
    Ash: All the Lonely Trees was just on the top of my head. I was thinking about the Beatles song All the Lonely People, and then All the Lonely Trees came out of it ;) I hope not, I've been wearing my rubber bands all the time, so I should get them off soon :D Love you too!

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  5. Lol, silly girl. I think we've all had awkward moments at the dentist or orthodontist. You are bound to when someone is that close to your face all up in your grill (literally). I, too, hope that it's not much longer for you. Your smile is gonna shine (and not from the metal in your mouth anymore!). Love you!

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